More Than I Wanted Read online

  His mother said nothing, simply giving Austin a hug, and out the door they went.

  “Are you okay?” He asked with a grimace.

  “I’ll survive. How are you doing?”

  “Great, now that we’re about to go home and get naked. I’m sorry my mother was so rough on you. I want to say she means well, but I’m not sure she does. I think she’s trying to scare you, to see if you’re strong enough to hang in during tough times. Sometimes, I’m not even sure what her angle is. You’re an incredible woman to have put up with that so gracefully.”

  “Graceful, huh? I had a few choice comments I choked back. I just, I didn’t expect to be verbally assaulted so much. You could have jumped to my defense a little more,” I said, and then stopped the train of thought. Not today, not now. “Eh, it will be okay. God, I hope it will be okay,” I sighed. “Is she always this,” I was desperately stuck trying to find the right word. Bitchy was all that wanted to come out, but I refrained, biting my cheek. Finally, I went with difficult. “Is she always this difficult?”

  “Mostly,” he flinched. “I’m sorry. She will soften up a little over time.”

  “You’re damn lucky I love you this much,” I laughed.

  I hoped my parents would be more charming when the moment came along. I knew they wouldn’t be assholes at least; they’d probably just embarrass me. After today, I could handle a little embarrassment – that would be cake.

  Driving home, the anticipation of alone time had us both on edge. I hadn’t been naked with Austin in what felt like forever. I wanted to hide away for days and spend every second of it in bed with my lover – my future husband.

  I was still wrapping my head around that bit - Austin, my husband. It felt surreal, here we were separated for what felt like forever, and now we’re together again, and soon we’d be united as husband and wife. The past year melted away, all my heartache and sorrows, now that he was home with me.

  Pulling in the driveway, we both practically ran to the door trying to get to the privacy of my home. Unlocking the door, we pushed through and closed it, and within seconds Austin was working at unzipping my dress, helping it fall to the floor. The urgency was intense, the need driving our every movement.

  Pressed back up against the door, I felt the weight of his body against me, and stood in my silky lingerie and heels. Red panties and matching bra, blue shoes, and my pale white skin – I was a vision of red, white, and blue for my soldier.

  His mouth was hungry, and there was urgency in his kisses. Reaching down, he picked up one of my wrists and lifted it up over my head, pinning it to the door. He reached down and lifted the other as well, holding me there, my hands up and unmoving. His mouth roved from my mouth down across my neck and shoulders, and licking and tasting my skin, he found his way back to my mouth.

  “Don’t move your hands,” he whispered, letting them go. “I want to look at you, just like this.”

  Shoving my bra up over my breasts, he caressed them, sighing as he enjoyed my body. “It’s been so long,” he said, and then lowered his mouth. My eyes closed, feeling his hot mouth on my skin. Suckling my nipple into his mouth, I let out a small gasp of pleasure.

  I meant to keep my hands up, truly I did, but I instinctually put my fingers in his short hair, pulling his head tighter to my breast. “It feels so good,” I cooed, “don’t stop.”

  My hips were all ready grinding, and my need to be penetrated was strong. I ached for my lover after such a long time away from him, but I’d have to move at his pace, because he wasn’t ready to yet.

  Tenderly sucking my nipple, he let his hand roam my body, and found the edge of my panties. Slowly, he played with the elastic band, and then slipped his fingers underneath, reaching for what was hidden below.

  I was all ready wet, filled with excitement, his touch setting my body on fire, and when his fingers slid inside of me I groaned with satisfaction. A light tingling sensation ran through my body.

  “You like that, huh?” He was caught in the moment, and as he took my body to the edge with his hands and mouth, I begged him not to stop. “You’re so wet,” he whispered.

  Sliding my panties down my legs and stepping out of them for easier access, he asked me to keep my heels on for now. I spread my legs wider, wanting him inside of me.

  Soon he was tearing at his belt, trying to get his pants down. He couldn’t move fast enough, and needed his own moment of relief. We maneuvered so he could slide inside, and then lifting me up, he told me to wrap my legs around him.

  My back was pressed to the door, and he was deep inside of me. Thrusting from below, my arms and legs tangled around his body, he worked up a good sweat before finally grunting and releasing his seed deep inside of me.

  His hands cupped just below my bottom and thighs. After he came, he slowly released his grip, letting me find my balance on my feet once again. Our breathing was ragged, and my heart raced.

  Together we sank to the floor, him still partially dressed, his shirt on, his pants and underwear shoved to his ankles, and me in my bra pushed over my breasts and in heels. We were quite a vision.

  Slowly, I reached around and unhooked my bra, slipping it off and tossing it onto the floor. I laughed watching Austin kick his shoes off and shimmy out of his pants. After regaining our composure, he stripped off his shirt, and together we got up and headed into the bedroom.

  “Keep the heels on,” he said. I smiled and followed behind him.

  It felt funny walking down the hallway, naked and only in heels. There was something sexy about it, and for a moment I felt like a goddess knowing he wanted me.

  Climbing onto the bed together, we snuggled in, holding one another. “It feels funny wearing shoes in bed,” I said.

  “You can take them off if you get out of bed and walk around the room for me, just for a minute or so. I’ve missed your body,” he grinned.

  I got off of the bed, and playfully swayed my hips while walking back and forth. I threw in a few poses, trying not to giggle as I did. Finally kicking the shoes off, I hopped back onto the bed and pressed my body to his. Austin pulled me in tightly, wrapping his body around mine. It’s as if he wanted every bit of our skin to be touching, and I wasn’t about to complain.

  We made love again, tender and sweet, slow and rhythmic. There was something so beautiful between us, and I realized how different quick, hot sex and making love really are. We were connected, in sync, the feelings were powerful, and it wasn’t just lust – it felt like so much more.

  His fingers brushed my hair away from my face, “I love you, Kate. I’m so glad we made it this far.” His words were sweet, and his eyes sincere.

  “Me too,” I leaned in kissing his lips gently. I couldn’t get enough of him. I missed him so much.

  “I want to spend every waking moment with you here, but after this weekend, I’m going to need a few days alone, okay?” He gently let me down; reminding me it would take some time for him to adjust.

  I nodded, “Sure, of course. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. I just need to process some stuff, readjust to things again, but I don’t want you to think it has anything to do with you. I’ll need some alone time.”

  “If you need anything,” I started.

  “It will be fine. This wasn’t my first rodeo,” he reassured.

  His hands slowly drew up and down my body, and we lazily spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. Our mouths would meet, we’d make love again, and then collapse into a heap on the covers, panting and smiling, only to snuggle in and nap. Waking up, we’d start all over again. It was like a fairytale, the connection we felt, the desire, the need…and he was home again, which was all I ever wanted.

  “I’ll take you ring shopping tomorrow. I would have surprised you, but well, you know…” he grinned. “Then we have all afternoon to be naked again.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to, I mean I want to, but I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
/>   “Obligated?” He laughed, “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure.”

  I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. “Good! I’m glad you didn’t change your mind. It’s just, if it was in the heat of the moment, and you didn’t mean it…”

  “Shhh,” he put his finger to my lips, “of course I meant it.”

  His fingers found all of my favorite places, and as he moved them over my skin and pressed them inside, I’d gasp and get lost in the sensations all over again. I’d never felt so in tune with another person. Our bodies worked together beautifully, and it’s like we could sense what the other wanted or needing without saying a word. My hips arched up when the waves rushed through me, and once again I was worn from the activities. My energy had been pulled from me momentarily, and feeling sleeping I curled into Austin, thanking him for pleasuring me again.

  Austin was my heart and soul, and lying beside him I realized that he was more than I ever wanted. He made me feel complete, special, and loved. How we ended up here together was beyond me, he seemed so out of my league. He was handsome, smart, and funny. When Austin walked into a room, all the women turned and looked at him. He had charisma and presence, and he was above all in love with me, simply amazing.

  “Do you want to go over and meet Amber?” I asked, knowing he hadn’t seen Heather and Scott’s daughter yet. I was so excited for him to meet her. He’d only seen pictures of our friend’s child at this point, and she was so much sweeter in person.

  “Can we wait on that? There will be plenty of time. To be honest, I just want to see you right now; I’m not really ready to see everyone else.”

  “Of course, I just didn’t want to hog all your time.”

  “Take it all,” he said, pulling me close. “Truth be told, I just don’t feel very social yet. It takes a little time. I only want to be with you. Is that a problem?”

  “You’ll get no complaints from me,” I grinned. “I stocked up on snacks, beer, water, whatever you should need, and we can always order pizza. We could stay cocooned in here for a solid week for all I care.”

  “That sounds great,” he said nuzzling into my neck.

  We spend the entire day in bed, only getting up long enough to grab pretzels and beer.

  The following morning, he wanted to take me around to the jewelry store to pick out a ring. It felt funny going with him, but I was secretly glad I got some say. I’m not a fan of square cut diamonds, so I could sway him towards a round, princess cut.

  After looking at rings, we settled on a diamond solitaire with a platinum band. It would have to be sized, so he would come back to pick it up in a few days. It was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. It seemed surreal to be ring shopping with Austin. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. It was a lot to take in. I still hadn’t told my parents he’d proposed. I’d call them after he left.

  As we walked back out to the car hand in hand, an old truck a few car lengths away backfired, and with one quick move he shoved me down, shielding me. Austin was over me as I hit the pavement, covering my body. Holy cow, what was that?

  “Are you okay?” His heart was racing, his breathing hard, and he was awash in panic. Suddenly he realized where we were. I couldn’t tell if he was upset or embarrassed, but the reality that it happened was in the air between us. While it happened fast, the seconds after felt like slow motion.

  I was stunned, lying under him on the pavement. I didn’t know what to say or do. It hurt hitting the pavement that hard, but I realized it was an automatic reaction for him. He didn’t do it to hurt me, he did it to protect me…he threw his body over me to save me. But save me from what… a car? His instinct was to save me, I should be grateful – but I was more concerned by his reaction.

  “I’m sorry,” he jumped up, helping me up. “I’m so sorry,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, “Are you?” I was seriously concerned. I completely understood he’d come from a war environment with gunfire and explosions, but now that he was back, how long would he be like this?

  “Yeah, I guess I’m still a little tense,” he admitted. “It sounded like,” he shook his head, “never mind.”

  “You’re home now, hon. It’s safe here,” I squeezed his hand, and together we got in the car. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe you could talk to Scott or Jake.”

  “No, there’s nothing to talk about,” he said, almost angry that I asked.

  I was taken back by the quick change in personality, but wrote it off. He’d been through a lot, and I needed to allow him the time to heal. I didn’t say much on the drive home. It was weird to jump from being so ecstatic over picking out a ring, to being on the ground with him, realizing he thought shots were being fired, and then driving in the car in near silence.

  Nearing our house and in the driveway, I tried to soften the mood, not wanting to stay in this tense state all day. “The ring is beautiful,” I started. “I can’t believe you asked me to be your wife.”

  “Do you still want to be?” He asked, almost hurt, and embarrassed I saw that.

  “Why would you ask that? Of course I do!” Okay, I couldn’t avoid it, “Austin, what happened back there, I’m sure it’s a natural reaction, it just took me by surprise.”

  “I’d rather not discuss it,” he said.

  “Fair enough, but I’m here if you change your mind,” I sighed.

  Walking into the house together, I put it behind me. It was one incident, and after a year of combat, it made complete sense when I thought about it.

  We decided to make it a clothing optional day and spent most of it naked hanging around the house. Sex seemed to be the easy answer, and as long as our bodies were moving, our mouths were busy, and we didn’t have to talk about what happened earlier. He needed to deny it happened, and I needed to forget. We had sex in the living room, kitchen, and bedroom that day. I didn’t want it to end, but knew he needed time to himself.

  We curled onto the sofa tangling our bodies together talking about marriage, and what kind of time frame we were looking at. We decided we’d wait at least six months, and that we wanted something small and intimate, maybe a quiet ceremony at the beach with just a few close friends and family. I was blissfully happy and relieved he’d come home safely. Life was good, and would only get better now that Austin was back.

  As the weekend came to a close, I was hesitant to let go. I knew he needed some time alone, I just wanted to be with him every moment of every day. I’d have my own schedule to return to anyway. With work in the morning, it was back to life as I knew it – only now Austin was back at home where he belonged.

  His active duty would soon be changing to inactive reserve, and with that behind us I felt like we could finally move forward, knowing he wouldn’t get called back for deployment. We discussed children and where to live, our future, his desire to return to school, and every tiny detail we could examine together thinking about our lives.

  I would be Mrs. Sharpe, and no longer Kate Tanner. And he would take a wife. I wanted to be a better wife to him than Emily ever was, and help him erase that memory completely. I tried not to compare myself, but it’s easier said than done. I can’t pretend like she didn’t exist, but I sure as hell can give him better memories.

  Before I dropped Austin back at his place, we stopped at the market so he could pick up some supplies. I had to tear myself away, leaving him alone, but knew he needed some time to himself.

  I called Heather when I got home, but she didn’t answer. She finally texted me back later, telling me she’d taken a nap with the baby. We went over every detail of my weekend, and then she said she had news to share. Scott and she had found a way to make it work if she went part-time. At first it would be tight, but by changing a few things around, they’d be able to do it.

  I was happy for her, since I knew this was what she wanted, but sad for me since it meant I wouldn’t see Heather every day at work. She told me not to worry yet, because she had to find
a part time job before she could make the transition. She was going to talk to our boss and see if it was an option at our work place, but wasn’t expecting much since they didn’t hire part-timers. When it came down to it I was happy for her, because she thrived being a mother and wanted to spend as much time with AJ as possible. Who could blame her, Amber Jo was growing so quickly!

  I couldn’t believe how much time had all ready passed, and what was once our itty, bitty little love was now an infant on the move! She’d gone passed crawling and pulling herself up on the edge of the sofa or table, and we knew she’d be walking any day. How had so much time gone by?

  Austin seemed a little on edge when I saw him, but nothing out of the ordinary. I mean, we all have stress. It just seemed like little things bothered him more, but I wrote it off. He seemed more reserved in other small ways as well, and I think I kept making excuses for him, not wanting to see what could very well be a reality. He might be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

  He seemed almost depressed and despondent some days, but other days he’d be fine. His sleeping schedule was off again, and while I’d fall asleep, he’d restlessly toss and turn, finally getting up in the middle of the night. His body was still adjusting to his new schedule.

  He had trouble concentrating some days, and lacked the desire to socialize. I hated to see him go through this, and just accepted it would take time. I assumed in a few weeks, things would be back to normal – after all I’d met him after his last tour of duty, and he’d adjusted in that time frame before.

  It didn’t matter; I’d stand by his side and work through this. I needed him to know he wasn’t alone, and that we were a team.

  He didn’t want to talk to anybody about it, and even avoided discussing things with Scott or Jake. It broke my heart that he was suffering in silence, but it wasn’t my choice. I couldn’t force him to do anything. I gently suggested he talk to somebody, but he just wasn’t ready.

  Things seem to settle down for him after a couple of months had passed, and it made me wonder how many families went through these things. I couldn’t imagine the horrors of what he saw and lived through, and tried to be patient and calm, letting him adjust. Only, just when he’d seem to be doing better, he’d have a relapse and turn inside of himself again, not wanting to socialize or talk about things.