More Than I Wanted Read online

  “I have to go,” he said, but I couldn’t hear him.

  “What?” I was trying to figure out what he was saying.

  When he realized I couldn’t hear, he wrote it down on a piece of paper and held it up, “Have to go NOW… I’ll be okay, don’t worry.” He scribbled as fast as he could, knowing I could no longer hear him, but then he was gone.

  I touched the scream, trying to reach him, but his image was no longer there. My heart sank.

  Dear God, let him be okay. Please bring him home to me. Let me have my man, let him be safe, and please, please God, let all of his fellow soldiers remain safe as well.

  I got a text a couple of hours later on my phone, “We’re okay, sleep well.” I breathed a sigh of relief, and was grateful for modern technology. Rolling over, I reached up and held my ruby heart, saying a prayer of thanks.

  Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned into months. The year balanced between moving slowly and quickly. One minute I’d be complaining how slow the time was going, and soon I was counting down Austin’s return. It wouldn’t be long now. I can honesty say the only way I kept my sanity was being able to talk to him time to time, spending time with Heather and baby Amber, and getting my runs in. My days blurred together, and I just put one foot in front of the other, knowing all I could do was wait. I hated waiting, but I had no choice.

  Looking at my calendar, I realized I’d crossed off more days than I thought possible, and he’d be home soon. Austin was supposed to get R&R awhile back, but they had to cancel his leave. I was crushed, but there was a piece of me that knew I’d never let go of him if he was in my arms for that short of a time. It was like a tease, and as desperately as I wanted to see him, I just wanted to put this all behind us.

  As his homecoming arrived, I readied myself – knowing he’d be back in my life once and for all. I wasn’t sure how the entire year had passed, because at times it felt like time was moving slower than molasses, but here we were almost ready to meet up once again. He’d be home and in my arms. He was worth the wait, and the closer the actual moment got, the more excited I felt.

  I wanted to look my best when he saw me, so I focused my efforts on cutting out extra sweets and keeping my runs up. I’d taken to eating way too many comfort foods this past year, and had a bit of extra padding. If I worked hard, I could shed it before he got home.

  I went in search of the prettiest dress I could find for his return. I wanted him to look at me and remember how much he loved me. I knew it was just a moment frozen in time, but I still wanted to look my best. I had an idea in my mind of what I wanted to wear, something timeless and gorgeous.

  I scoured the racks of clothing at the mall, and after a lot of frustration not finding what I wanted, I came upon something just as I was about to give up. It was a tea length dress that flared out a bit at the bottom. It said classic, feminine, and beautiful. It had a rose pattern on it, with blues and reds, but it wasn’t overdone. They were more muted than loud, almost understated, and with a matching pair of navy heels my outfit was complete.

  I knew he liked my hair down, so I wore it that way, loose and with soft waves through the ends. As I started to get ready on the big day, I was full of nervous energy. What if he didn’t miss me as much as I missed him? What if he didn’t think I was as pretty as he once did? I knew it was silly stuff, and I berated myself for even letting my insecurities step in on a day like today. We’ve conquered this year together; it’s time to believe in this relationship and myself. I was stronger than I thought I could be.

  I finished dressing and touched up my make-up. One last glance in the mirror, and with a deep breath I was ready. Oh wait, I forgot my perfume. I chose his favorite and headed out the door. Today was the day! It was hard to grasp the amount of time that had passed. It felt like forever, and yet here we were. I’d waited so long for this moment; I couldn’t wait to see him.

  Sitting in my car, I gripped my steering wheel and exhaled. I was more nervous than I anticipated, and had butterflies in my stomach. It was the not knowing what to expect. I remembered when he got back after his last deployment; Heather said he needed time to adjust. How much time will it take, will he be okay? He’d gone through a ten day cycle of reintegration, and today was the day. I pulled my seatbelt on, took another deep breath, and started the car.

  In just a few short hours we’ll be together. I wasn’t expecting so many people when I arrived, but it was in that moment I realized how many other families and people had gone through many of the same feelings and things I had. How many children missed their mommies or daddies, and how many wives or girlfriends missed their partners, and how many men missed their partners…it was a sea of faces. I wasn’t the only one. There were anxious people everywhere, excited and ready to greet their soldier and loved one.

  And there, like a moment in a movie, our eyes met. That sign of recognition, I know you, and we were running into each other’s arms. He was really here, Austin was home! He wrapped his arms around me, swinging me around. I couldn’t let go, didn’t want to, I was so scared it was a dream and he wouldn’t be here when I woke up. Only it wasn’t a dream, and he was here, and his lips, oh his lips, I melted when he kissed me. I forgot how much I missed that kiss.

  His lips were so soft, and as he parted them, his mouth opening slightly, I tilted my head and together we shared a kiss that had passionately been waiting for a year. An entire year had passed since the last time his lips had been on me, his arms around me. I felt like we were the only people in the world, even in that sea of people. Breaking free from our kiss, I couldn’t stop looking at him and kissing him again. I was overwhelmed with joy. I felt like my heart might burst from happiness at any given moment.

  Tears of happiness ran down my face. I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop looking at him, kissing him…he was here. And suddenly there were his parents coming over after recognizing him, and sizing me up in the process. I wanted the moment to be mine and only mine, but that was selfish. I knew he’d want to see his parents as well.

  In all honestly, thinking of his homecoming, I didn’t even think about his parents coming today. I’d totally forgotten they’d be here. Of course they wanted to see him too, only they hadn’t existed in my world until this moment. I composed myself the best I was able, watching him greet his mother and father.

  His mother wore a charcoal gray pant suit, his father slacks and a button down shirt. Turning towards me, his father was the first to speak, “You must be Katherine. It’s nice to meet you,” he said, extending his hand.

  Ew, it felt so formal. “You can call me Kate,” I said, taking his hand and shaking it.

  “Kate it is.”

  “I much prefer Katherine,” his mother chimed in coldly. “It sounds more ladylike, don’t you think Austin?”

  Seriously? That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me? I could feel her cold shoulder and scrutinizing stare all ready.

  “Mother, behave,” Austin warned. And so it began.

  Chapter 22

  Apparently, the plan was to share a meal together, and then his folks would head off, leaving us to celebrate our time together. I didn’t know if I could handle an entire meal sitting beside his mother, but I was damn well going to try. This was my celebration to see Austin too, and I wasn’t going to let her get me down or crowd me out.

  Austin and I would drive over together, and he told his parents we’d meet them at the chosen restaurant. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face when he sat in the car with me. “You’re home,” I sighed. “You’re really here.”

  “I’m here, baby.” He reached over and stroked my cheek.

  “I missed you so much,” I started.

  “I know,” his voice was low, oh how I missed him sitting this close to me.

  “I’m not used to you driving, don’t scare me,” he teased with a smile.

  “Better buckle in,” I winked, “I’ve been known to drive too fast and too close.” I of course didn’t, but I c
ouldn’t let him off that easy.

  “It’s so amazing to see you. I have to say, looking into your eyes in person is way better than on some lame video, there’s so much more depth.” He said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the technology, but it doesn’t do you justice. You’re even more gorgeous in person.”

  “I can’t believe you’re finally home,” I reached over and stroked his thigh. “I’m so happy to see you.” I couldn’t stop touching him. I was giddy sitting beside him.

  “Baby, there’s something I want to ask you before we see my parents,” he cautioned.

  I knew what was coming. He’d probably be warning me not to bite off his mom’s face when she went all cold and mean on me. I could feel her judgmental thoughts as soon as she walked up to us earlier. “I’ll behave,” I said. I knew he adored her, even though he complained about her ways.

  “Oh, I’m not worried about you; I’m more worried about her. She doesn’t have a good filter, and pretty much says what’s on her mind,” he laughed.

  “I’ll bite my tongue as much as possible, regardless.” I offered, knowing I’d at least try to behave.

  “What I actually wanted to ask you was if you’d give some thought to being my wife,” it came out so casually, and with a simple little smile.

  “What?” I sat blinking at him, almost like I was imaging what he’d just said.

  “Will you marry me?” His eyes, those eyes, I couldn’t look away.

  Did he just….OMG, I think he did!

  “Really?” I was stunned in a most pleasant way. I never thought…I didn’t think…I mean…wow.

  “Really. I’m asking you to marry me. Will you be my wife?”

  “Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!” I squealed, realizing what just happened.

  Reaching over, he pulled me into a sweet kiss. “You mean it?”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re really questioning this?” I was taken off guard, I mean, I knew he’d been burned in the past by Emily, and I honestly didn’t know if he’d ever go that route again. I mean, sure I hoped he would, but it was totally unexpected. We’d never discussed the details. I was afraid to bring something so permanent up.

  “We’ll have to go ring shopping later,” he said. “We can do it this weekend. I’m sorry; I don’t have a ring yet.”

  “Oh my gosh, don’t apologize for something like that! You were overseas, oh my gosh, did you really just ask me to marry you?” I couldn’t stop rambling. I finally took a deep breath to calm myself.

  “I did,” he grinned.

  “I love you,” I whispered, realizing we were still parked and his folks were waiting on us.

  “I love you too. I appreciate you sticking with me this past year, and I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I’ve missed you too. It’s like a dream that you’re here with me.” It truly was. I knew I’d have to drive, but I wanted to sit there and just look at him, hold him, touch him. I couldn’t believe he was finally home.

  “Let’s go have lunch, tell them the good news, and then you and I can take this celebration back to your place. I want to get you naked, I can’t think of a better way to celebrate,” he grinned. “I’ve missed being intimate, holy shit did I miss having sex with you!”

  I laughed and then snapped back to reality. “Oh, your mom,” it hit me in that instant. He’s about to tell her our good news, and she’s about to spoil it – just like that. It made me want to beg off of lunch, steal him away for myself today, but I had to be mature and remind myself they hadn’t seen their son in a year either.

  “It will be fine,” he soothed. “Trust me.”

  I inhaled sharply, and nodded. “Okay, tell me more about them. Fill me in on the details that I need to know.”

  “Mom is a power hungry and career driven, and Dad is more laid back these days. He works a typical nine to five corporate job and that’s all he wants to do. He was more driven when I was younger, working really long hours, but I think he’s worn down – either the job did it, or Mom. Mom on the other hand is the kind of person who wants to break every glass ceiling she can. She seemed to get more into her career as Dad was getting bored of his. She can get a little intense, but don’t let it get to you. Underneath it all, if she thinks you’ll be good to me, she’ll come around. She’s just a little over protective, even these days. I’m still her little boy, or so she likes to remind me, even though I’m a grown man. Oh, and while we’re on the subject, my little sister Maggie is actually the baby, by about eight years, but it doesn’t matter – she treats us both like children. Mags is pretty close to Mom, and Dad is just Dad.”

  I cringed even asking, “How did they take the news last time?” I hesitated, “You know, with Emily.”

  “Yeah, let’s just pretend you didn’t ask that. It will be fine, don’t worry. I don’t need their permission to marry the woman I love. At some point you’ll have to meet my sister, but she sort of does her own thing. We’re not super close being years apart, but I adore her, she’s a good kid.”

  I wasn’t feeling very relaxed knowing it didn’t go over well last time and swallowed my pride, hoping to make it through the lunch date. I could do this, I loved Austin, and they’d see that, right?

  Pulling up to the restaurant, I called up my courage and got out of the car. Austin took my hand and together we went inside.

  His parents were sitting on a small bench to the side, “There you are,” she sighed. “We’ve been waiting. They’ve got a table ready for us.” She looked annoyed. “What took you so long?”

  I calmed my nerves the best I was able, focusing on my breathing. I desperately wanted to be anywhere but here. I was about to be put under the microscope and every bit of insecurity I’ve got inside of me was going to bubble to the surface.

  “Mom, Dad, I’ve got some news,” Austin started.

  “Can’t it wait darling? I’d like to order a drink first.” She said, sitting down and opening her menu.

  How could the tension be thick all ready? I wished I liked her more, but all ready my guard was up. I hoped our time together would be swift so I could get the hell out of here.

  “Actually, it can’t wait,” Austin spoke up, clearing his throat. “I’ve just asked Kate to be my wife, and she’s agreed.”

  “How lovely,” his father replied. “Congratulations.”

  I wore a small smile, feeling on display, barely speaking, “Thank you.” I sensed his mother hatred all ready.

  Rolling her eyes she finally spoke, “Austin, really, another one? Are you sure about this? I mean, you just got home, give it time. You must stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, dear boy. You’ve got enough on your plate all ready. Shouldn’t you slow things down? Besides, you’ve all ready done the marriage thing in the past. Do you think this is a good idea, I mean really, what’s the rush? Live together, be young and free, but marriage? I don’t know. It’s so,” she paused for effect, “permanent. Well, in most cases. I mean, your last one ended in divorce. Do you really want to go through that again?”

  I was sitting right there, it was almost like I didn’t exist. It took every bit of strength from letting my jaw drop open at her comment.

  “Mother,” Austin tensed up, I could almost feel his teeth clenching to keep his calm. “That was completely uncalled for. Please welcome Kate into the family.”

  “If you insist,” she rolled her eyes again. “Welcome, dear.” It was so off the cuff; I didn’t know how to respond. I felt badly, watching Austin shake his head in frustration.

  “Thank you,” I said meekly. What should have been a joyous occasion was anything but. I excused myself to the ladies room, feeling sick to my stomach. I was beside myself at her reaction. My heart broke for Austin, and my anger was bubbling up. How dare she destroy our precious celebration.

  She didn’t even try to hide it to be polite. She just threw it out there, not only embarrassing us both, but being a total B-I-T-C-H! I expected her to be less than thrilled based on what he’d
told me about her, but seriously? She seriously just said all of that to him – and right in front of me!

  In the safety of the bathroom stall, I texted Heather, “Austin proposed. His mom hates me all ready.”

  “OMG, really? Squeals of excitement!”

  “Trapped in bathroom stall, don’t want to go back out there,” I texted in return.

  “Be strong, he loves you.”

  “You’re right, but she’s mean.”

  “You can handle this. Be yourself, you’re awesome.”

  “Love you, thanks.”

  “Talk later, call me when you can.”

  “Will do, hugs to baby AJ.”

  And with that, I pasted a smile on my face, opened the door, and headed back out to join the others at our table. Drinks had been served and with orders placed, it was just a matter of time. I was counting down the minutes until I got to leave this place. The thought of spending any more time near his mother overwhelmed me.

  After sitting down, Austin squeeze my hand under the table, trying to give me a reassuring boost. Looking into his eyes, I reminded myself he was all I ever needed. It didn’t matter if his parents weren’t my biggest fan. As long as I had Austin, we’d be okay.

  His mother was unbearable, but somehow I managed to get through the meal. She had less than lovely comments about pretty much anything I said or did. “Oh dear, do you really need those extra starchy foods? You could stand to lose a few pounds in your hips,” I swear, I didn’t know how to respond and almost choked when the words came out.

  “I hope you’re not expecting Austin to carry all the burden in this marriage, you do intend to work right? Oh, that’s what you call a career these days? Hmmm, I don’t see much of a future for promotion there…” and on, and on, and on.

  When it was time to leave, I was polite but greatly relieved. “It was lovely to meet you both,” I offered, trying to harness the sling of thoughts I was actually feeling.

  “Like wise,” his father said. “Again, welcome to the family.”