Behind Closed Doors Read online

  When Alex showed up the next morning, Harry was less than amused, but said nothing since I agreed to stay on as his wife for now. I made it clear that if I saw one of his mistresses at my home, I’d create a huge scandal and any dreams he had of advancing his career would be finished. We settled on some living arrangements, and I quietly kept his dalliances to myself. In return, if Harry so much as attempted to remove Alex from my side, I’d be loud and hit every news agency in town with the news of Harry’s infidelity.

  “What, are you sleeping with the help now?” He spat out, looking between myself and my bodyguard.

  “Unlike you, Harry, I respect our marriage vows.”

  Alex said nothing.

  I hated Harry, hated this position I was in, but sat and accepted my fate for now.

  I looked to Alex and caught him looking at me. There was something different today, something in his eyes – it was almost warmth and affection. I wondered if Harry saw it too.

  When Harry left the room, Alex spoke. “Today will be my last day,” he admitted. “They have somebody I trust filling my spot. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he finished.

  “You’re really leaving?”

  “I have to, Elle. I can’t work for you anymore,” he answered. “I’ve got emotions tied up, and that makes me the wrong candidate to do the job.”

  I nodded; there was nothing else to say. I’d miss him terribly, but we both had to do what we had to do. It came as a surprise. I know he’d said something, but I didn’t expect him to follow through when I secured his position.

  “You’ll be missed,” I finally said and stood to leave the room. My stomach was in knots. Alex was the only friend I had here. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but the thought of him leaving had me in turmoil.

  I went to the library and chose a book off the shelf. I don’t know why, I knew my mind would be too distracted to read. I didn’t expect Alex to have feelings, and I didn’t know what I felt. I was attracted to the man, but I was married. It wasn’t like anything could happen, but my mind tangled on the news. I didn’t remember what it felt like to be cared about, and his simple words earlier warmed my heart. At least somebody gave a damn. Harry certainly didn’t.

  Chapter 4

  His harlot was here again, and it was the push I needed to follow through with divorce. It only took him six weeks to break his pledge. I guess he wanted sex with his tramp more than he wanted his career. I was through, and refused to be his door mat any longer.

  When anger settled in, it made life easier to deal with. The sadness and pain hurt too much, and watching my marriage dissolve was shockingly weird. I never dreamed we’d end up this way, as I guess most people don’t. But here we were, settling things and going our separate ways.

  I can’t even explain what it felt like to see his floosy in my own house, or leaving through the front door, and now I don’t have to accept that kind of treatment anymore.

  I was upset when my parents suggested I hold off until he got the bid. I felt betrayed. They cared more about his potential huge career for what it could do for them, than the fact that the man had walked all over me and played me for a fool.

  I decided not to make a huge scene, and if he settled quietly I’d be discreet with media outlets. We’d call it irreconcilable differences, rather than what it truly was - adultery. Where he went with his career was now up to him, and I was free to start my life over.

  I had no idea what I would do in my mid-thirties, with years before me. I considered going back to school, but truly lost track of who I was. My own identity had been so closely tied to his career; I almost didn’t recognize myself anymore. I needed to be alone and rediscover what inspired me before I could make any decisions.

  Alex found me at the coffee shop, and he was the last person I expected to see.

  Standing as I entered the small café, Alex spoke. “Elle,” he said, jutting his hand out, “I was hoping to run into you.”

  “Alex?” I smiled warmly, happy to see him. I shook his hand, wishing I could hug him instead. It’s just that we’d never had that level of comfort. “How are you? How have you been?” It had been a couple of months since I’d seen him. Since my divorce, I’d moved on with my life, and while I had his card in my wallet all this time, I didn’t think it was right to contact him. I thought of him often. It was a pleasant surprise seeing him here.

  “Brielle said you still come in time to time,” he said with a smile. I wasn’t used to seeing him this way. He looked relaxed in jeans and a t-shirt, and the smile, it was a nice smile.

  “What a nice treat to see you here,” I said. “Let me go grab something, and I’ll join you.”

  “Let me,” he said, joining me at the counter. “I’m buying.”

  I thanked Alex and found his new, more open demeanor pleasing.

  Sitting with Alex, I felt like a new person. I was no longer a married woman, and an incredibly attractive man was waiting for me.

  “When I heard,” he started. “Well, I thought I should let some time pass. I didn’t want to bother you. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been,” he said.

  “I’m good,” I started. “It’s been interesting being on my own again, but I feel like I lost the albatross hanging from my neck.”

  “What have you been doing?” He seemed almost comfortable talking to me.

  “I’ve done a little bit of consulting to get by, but I’m thinking about going back to school, maybe law school.”

  “Really? That’s great,” he hesitated before saying the next part. “You look,” then stopped, trying to find our new balance.

  “And you,” I said, stumbling over my own words. There was a mutual attraction, but we’d once been employee and employer. We were gently trying to find the transition.

  “The thing is,” he started, “I came here looking for you.”

  “Do you need a recommendation? I’d be happy to supply you with one,” I jumped in.

  “I’d like to ask you out for dinner,” he finally said.

  I blushed, “Dinner?”

  “Is it too soon?” He rushed to get out; almost thinking it was a mistake to have asked.

  “No, not at all,” I finished.

  “Not seeing you,” he said and then paused, unsure how to finish that sentence. “Anyway, I hoped to see you again.”

  This other version of Alex was charming. He was warm, but also a little nervous. Who knew he could be this way. He was always strong and confident as my bodyguard, but as he sat there cautiously asking me on a date, he seemed a tiny bit anxious, thinking maybe I’d say no. And his smile, he was relaxed – and so very handsome.

  We sat making small talk for a while, and as he finally excused himself, he left me with his number again. “Are you free this weekend?”

  “I am,” I said, and after setting a time with him for our first date, I had trouble wiping the smile off of my face.

  We made arrangements, and after giving him my new address and number, I sat in amazement as he walked out the café door.

  Alex, imagine that. I hadn’t seen him during the last couple of months, but I’d thought of him often. There was a quiet strength he carried, and I couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was. He was the last person I expected to see here today.

  Standing, I headed for the door, realizing I walked just a little taller in that moment. My posture spoke of a happy woman.

  I was still figuring out what I wanted out of life, and rediscovering little things that mattered to me. I’d never lived alone before, and I liked it more than I knew I would. I’d gone from my parent’s house to college, and then into Harry’s life and home. Here I was, a woman in my thirties trying to find out exactly who I am.

  It’s not that I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, but my identity had been filled with who I needed to be for Harry’s career, and I fit a mold. Now that I didn’t have a mold around me, I had to redefine what Elle Michaels stood for.

  None of the luncheon or ev
ent ladies called to see if I was okay after my divorce. I was glad to be away from the plastic people, all trying to be something they weren’t. It was all about outward appearances and how you fit in – and now in the quiet of my life, I was no longer forced to fill expectations.

  Thankfully I had time and money on my side. I got a very nice settlement, and it allowed me the ability to leisurely play around until I knew what direction I wanted to head in. I’d been contemplating law school, but the amount of work overwhelmed me. I honestly didn’t know what else I wanted to do with my life. I had a simple degree from my years in college, but I never pursued anything once Harry and I decided we’d marry. I knew my job would be to be there for him – old fashioned I know, but in the political arena it was often times a man’s game, and appearances are a big part of the dog and pony show.

  I smiled walking down the sidewalk, realizing I have a date, a date with the very handsome Alex “Hunter” Stone. Heck, I hadn’t gone on a date since Harry, and after years of marriage, this was all new to me again. I wondered if Alex went on many dates, not that it was my business, more curiosity than anything.

  As the weekend rolled around, I found myself more nervous than I expected. I hadn’t gone on a date in ages. I even knew Alex, was used to being around him daily, but this was different. Suddenly our roles had changed, and it would simply be the two of us sharing dinner. I don’t know what came over me, but the butterflies flipping around in my belly kept me in turmoil.

  Would it feel natural? What would we talk about? He seemed so reserved in the past, would it be awkward? Were some topics off limits? Should I discuss the time at the Governor’s mansion? I felt incredibly awkward and thought maybe it was a mistake. Sitting, fidgeting with my hands, I felt like a little girl. What should I wear? This is ridiculous, I’m a grown woman, and it’s simply dinner. I’m overthinking things. I finally took a deep breath and shook my insecurities off. He’s obviously interested; he tracked me down and asked me out. I can do this.

  I stood before my closet, feeling like a school girl with a crush. What would I wear? All those days he stood by my side, I never once considered that he might notice. I felt like my matching suits were too stiff for a date, though that’s what he saw me in most days. I should be better at this. I wanted to call my sister, but didn’t want to bother her. I’m a grown woman; obviously I should be able to choose my own clothing, right?

  My head was spinning looking at the row of material, fabric just waiting to be worn. I had no idea what to wear. I’d never scrutinized an outfit this way since one of my big events. Even then, I knew what to rely on. For a first date, I felt lost. Maybe I was overthinking things. I found a soft, flowing skirt and a flirty silk blouse. Was I trying too hard?

  I pulled on the outfit and stood before my mirror. Out of habit, I pulled my hair into a tight, neat bun, and realized how stiff I looked even in flirty clothing. I loosened the pin holding up my hair and let if fall into soft cascades to my shoulder. I felt phony and weird looking at myself. Was this the woman he wanted to see, and why was this so hard? Staring into the mirror, I felt lost. I can’t do this – I’m not ready to date.

  I sat on the edge of the bed, and started to dial Alex’s phone. I need to cancel, this is a mistake. He’s a lovely man, but I’m not ready. I felt like a fool, embarrassed by thoughts, and wondering what I was thinking agreeing to the date in the first place.

  Before I could finish dialing, I forced myself to hang up. It’s a date Elle; don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s just a date, it doesn’t mean anything.

  My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. I stood and paced across the hardwood floor, my feet padding as I walked. Shoes, I need shoes, I panicked. I pulled out a pair of sexy heels, shoes I rarely wore these days, and slipped them on. Completing my outfit, I added simple pearl earrings.

  Why was I so nervous? It’s a date; you’ve been on dates before. Okay, so maybe it’s been a while, and you were a married woman, and now you’re divorced and older…I forced myself to stop the maddening spiral I was on.

  I glanced at the clock, realizing he’d be here soon. Taking a deep breath, I collected myself, picked up my small clutch bag, and waited in the living room for the knock at the door.

  When Alex arrived, I opened the door and smiled on seeing him. He was such a handsome man, and tonight I got to appreciate that. I felt guilty in the past seeing him as attractive, but now that he stood before me, and I was a single woman, there was no guilt.

  Together we walked to his car, and settling in after he opened my door, I saw Alex in an entirely new way. He’d always been my employee, but now he was a man I’d be getting to know. His black BMW shone, looking freshly washed. The interior was neat, and looked newly vacuumed. Was he always this precise, or did he do this for our date, I wondered.

  He seemed to take pride in little details, so I guessed he was always like this. I remembered how his shoes were always highly shined, and his shirts were always crisp.

  “You look great,” he started as he sat beside me and turned the key in the ignition.

  “Thank you,” I blushed.

  Making small talk was new to me after all this time. I was grateful for the music that played softly in the background. It made up for my silence. I was at a loss for words, not sure where to start.

  His cologne was masculine and woodsy. I wanted to lean in and smell him closer, but I restrained the urge. There was something silent and strong about Alex, I liked it. I’d never noticed his cologne before, and was curious if he wore the same scent all the years he’d been working for me.

  “There’s a great little place down on Elm,” he started. “I made a reservation. They have a nice selection,” he said. “I hope that’s okay.”

  “That sounds nice,” I answered, feeling the awkwardness in the air between us. There was a mutual attraction, but we didn’t know what to do with it.

  “Elle, is this weird for you?” He finally voiced what I’d been feeling.

  I giggled, “Yeah, a little bit. Is it for you too?”

  “A little,” he responded and smiled at me. “We’ll get past that, I hope. This is different than we’re used to.”

  “A glass of wine should help me relax a bit,” I said softly.

  Parking the car, we walked side by side. He didn’t reach for my hand, and I didn’t know how close to stand as we waited for our table. We’d crossed the line from formal to casual, but we were still getting our footing, trying to figure out what we were to each other.

  Sitting at the table, the quiet felt deafening. It took us a few starts, but as the night wore on, and the wine took the edge off, our conversation found its stride.

  Looking into Alex’s eyes, I noticed the small creases at the corners. They were distinguished and sexy, aging him just enough. His eyes were bright and blue, and playing against his darker hair, it was hard not to be smitten with the sexy man across from me.

  He was quite fascinating once he starting sharing bits about himself. We laughed and talked and slowly got to know more about one another.

  “May I,” Alex reached across the table and took my hand. His fingers traced my own, his skin soft to the touch. Slowly, he let a finger draw up and down my hand. Speaking cautiously, choosing his words carefully, “Elle, I’d like to see you again.”

  “I’d like that,” I said, a smile soft across my lips. I wanted to kiss him, to feel his soft lips on mine, and yet the moment the thought drifted through my mind, I blushed. I hadn’t kissed anyone in a very long time. Embarrassed by my own thoughts, I looked down.

  “What is it?” He asked, noticing the change in my demeanor.

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” I played off.

  More talking and laughter made their way into our evening, and as we wrapped our date Alex took me home. Like a gentleman, he saw me to the door. “Thank you for your company,” he said, standing before me. Lifting his hand to my shoulder, he gently pushed my hair away from my face.

  As he
leaned in to kiss me, a soft, tender, and sweet kiss, I brushed my lips against his own. As soon as it had started, it stopped. He didn’t want to push too quickly, and after a quick goodnight kiss, he was saying good-bye. As he turned around and walked back to his car, I went inside and let my hand linger up at my lips, thinking about his sweet kiss one more time.

  I couldn’t stop grinning, and walked into my bedroom, placing my purse down. As I changed out of my dressier clothes, I thought back on our date. It was a nice evening. There wasn’t a lot of pressure, and while it got off to a slow start, we seemed to have found our stride. And when he kissed me - I smiled thinking back on the moment. His lips were soft, and while he was confident and forward, he didn’t push for too much, too fast. It was the perfect end to a lovely evening.

  After changing, I curled up on the sofa and thought about the night. Alex looked great in his crisp button down shirt and navy slacks. I could barely take my eyes off of his broad shoulders and his gorgeous eyes. Glancing over, I noticed the little red light blinking on my answering machine.

  With a smile, I pushed the button, wondering if he’d called while I was in the other room, and didn’t hear it. Maybe he was calling to say he had a nice time. What a nice surprise.

  When I heard Harry’s voice, I froze. The tension locked up my shoulders almost immediately. “We need to talk,” he spat out. “I’m sure you saw the news, and I missed the bid thanks to you. I hope you’re happy, you’ve flat lined my career.”

  What was there to talk about? He made his choices. I deleted the message and chose not to return his call. I knew our divorce might touch his campaign and bid for Vice Presidency. He was on the short list, but with the timing of our marriage crumbling, it didn’t look good for the party. I refused to carry any guilt – he’d betrayed our marriage vows, not me.