More Than I Wanted Read online

  Humming in the shower, I thought about this seemingly perfect guy, okay, incredibly sexy guy I haven’t gotten to know well enough yet, but regardless, I couldn’t stop smiling. It was the first time in a long time and it felt nice. I wasn’t exactly planning a picket fence and babies yet, but lingerie and hot sexual encounters were high on my list of things to do with Austin.

  My humming turned to off-key singing as I planned my outfit for the evening. I was amazed we were even going out, after our first encounter at the barbecue seemed to have left him flat. Whatever happened between now and that time, I was grateful for.

  Sifting through my underwear drawer, I found a lacy red bra and panty set to slip on, just in case things got spicy later. I felt a little naughty thinking such racy thoughts about him all ready, and knew I’d probably halt things before they went to far, but it made me feel saucy and happy getting ready, so I stuck with my original choice and continued to my closet.

  I stood there consumed with dissatisfaction. I didn’t have anything to wear, well nothing sexy anyway. I realized how bland my closet had gotten over the last year or two, with a mix of sensible work garb, running gear, and a dress or two that were way too dressy for a simple night out. Crap, now what? I didn’t want to go through the process of trying to buy something last minute, so I stood staring at my mix of clothing.

  We were going to a local pub, just a low key night of sandwiches and beer. He said it was one of his regular haunts, but he hadn’t had a chance to go back since he’d come home. Austin raved they had the best roast beef sandwiches around, and the beer always seemed a few degrees colder than other places. He promised a more romantic dinner out later.

  In all honestly, we were still finding out exactly what we were together, if anything. I knew what I hoped the outcome would be, but I was getting ahead of myself. It seemed pretty apparent in the kitchen earlier that he was on the same page as I was, but it’s always awkward early on, wondering if you’re both thinking of being monogamous or dating others. I hate the early dance of a new relationship, trying to figure out where the other person stood.

  I had a horrible habit of moving way too fast or way too slow, and was still trying to find that middle ground. I feared I’d jump in with both feet in this case and scare him away.

  Heather coaxed me through some of my clothing choices over the phone. I finally settled on a pair of gray slacks with a black short sleeve sweater. I added a thin belt to emphasize my waist. The v-neck in the sweater showed off my other assets, while the slacks tapered the extra weight I carried in my ass.

  When Austin showed up, I took a deep breath before answering. Standing in the hallway, I waited an extra minute so I didn’t come off too anxious. Finally opening the door, I smiled at the man before me.

  He made casual look so damn good. Dressed in jeans and a gray t-shirt that clung perfectly to his body, I swooned quietly in my head. Those lips, those eyes… and dear goodness, those shoulders, he was sexy.

  We exchanged the usual pleasantries. He told me I looked great and gave me a small kiss. I followed him out to his car and couldn’t stop grinning. It was almost embarrassing how big my smile was – my cheeks were all ready sore.

  Getting in his car, I took note of tiny details. He’s not a neat freak, check, but not a total slob in his car. The music on was a classic rock mix, nothing too heavy, nothing too light. I felt comfortable with his driving, but wondered if he was keeping it in check because I was here. Did he normally drive fast and aggressive, or was he always this laid back?

  I looked over at Austin and took in his profile. His nose was a straight line, angled perfectly. He was newly shaven, and his cheeks were free of stubble or even five o’clock shadow. I guessed he came in just under six feet tall, but not by much.

  We made small talk until we got to the pub. Walking in was quite the experience. People came over to see him, shook his hand, caught up, and welcomed their friend home. He’d been a regular here, but hadn’t been back since he returned from his tour of duty.

  Apologizing for the stream of interruptions, I told him nonsense, it was nice to see people appreciated him. I loved watching the interactions, and the genuine pleasure in his face and voice seeing old friends. A few beers were sent over, and when things calmed down I smiled.

  “You’re quite the social butterfly,” I said.

  “It’s been awhile. I come here time to time, but I’ve been gone.”

  “Right,” I nodded. I asked a few more questions about his time away, and hoped I didn’t over step boundaries.

  Austin was pretty open about some things, but he said there are other things you just keep inside and don’t talk about, or you talk to another soldier who’s been through it. It’s hard to relate to some of the stuff and lifestyle you’re living, and then come back and reintegrate into civilian life again.

  He asked me about my running, and I over shared way too many details. I’m surprised his eyes didn’t glaze over. I really enjoyed talking with him, and hoped he felt the same way. I was fanning lustful flames inside, but had no clue where he was at there. He held his cards close, and wasn’t giving that away.

  He had this sexy smile, and every time he’d grin, my heart beat a little faster. It was embarrassing how gooey I was feeling over him. I’ve had boyfriends in the past, but this was different. I was drawn to him, so absolutely smitten, that I was a little surprised how little control I had over it.

  The tavern owner picked up our tab and shook Austin’s hand, exchanging a few words about his own old service days. It certainly wasn’t a romantic meal with so many people stopping by, but to be honest, I wasn’t sure if he was looking for a buddy or a girlfriend at this point. I just couldn’t read him. One minute he seemed warm and engaged, while the next he was in his own space.

  As we got into his car, my mind went into overdrive. Should I invite him in; will it give him the wrong idea? Okay, so what if I want to give him that idea? Will he think I’m too forward? Maybe I should wait. Should I just give him a kiss and go in alone? Oh, who am I kidding, I want him to come in at least for a little while. My brain was racing, trying to figure out what I should do. Maybe I just let him take the lead and decide. I wonder if these kinds of thoughts are going through his mind.

  After driving back to my house, we settled in the driveway. I invited him in, and Austin took me up on the offer, following me inside. It was when the door closed that I realized he was interested – at least for now. His hands were large and masculine, and all ready caressing my shoulder from behind as we walked through to the living room. His touch felt so nice, and I wondered where it would lead. I knew what I hoped for.

  I turned to face Austin, and he scooped me in his arms thanking me for my company tonight. I looked into his eyes and got lost as he bent his head to kiss me. His lips were slightly parted, and as I tilted my head I sighed a little before kissing him. Our tongues grew more heated, our bodies pressed together, and feeling his arms wrapped around me I ached for more. His kiss left me breathless and wanting more; I think I could have stood there kissing him all night. There was something magical going on, some kind of wild chemistry, and I was in lust!

  He certainly wasn’t shy, and had no problem with confidence.

  His fingers ran up through my hair, raking it gently, and then tenderly drew down the length of my neck to my shoulder. Breaking free from our kiss, he brushed my hair off of my shoulder and leaned in, nibbling and sucking on my neck. Everything inside of me went weak, feeling his warm breath, his mouth, and his fingers back in my hair. He had me if he wanted, there was no way I could turn off what I was feeling in the moment.

  “You’re a sexy woman, Kate,” he mewed, as he enticed me with more kisses.

  All he had to do was snap his fingers and my clothes would be off. There was no going back; I was drawn in like a bee to honey. I wanted him, desperately wanted him, and tried like crazy to reel it in, but it wasn’t happening.

  When the banging at the door started, I
groaned, knowing what it meant. His voice soon followed, “Kate, it’s Nick, let me in.” Of all the times for this to happen…

  “I’m sorry,” I said, pulling away. “I’ll take care of this.” Fuck you, Nick, you just interrupted me at the wrong moment.

  Austin followed me to the door. Opening it, he stood behind me. I started to tell him he needed to go home, only, before I could get the words out, Nick lunged, “What the hell? Who are you?”

  Shit. Nick was drunk, “Get away from my girl,” he slurred and swung. He connected, but just barely. He was a big guy, so I panicked, hoping he wouldn’t hurt Austin.

  I was amazed watching Austin move. It took him less than a minute to have him fully restrained, his arms tucked up behind him and his head pulled back. “Apologize to the lady,” he said, refusing to let him go. I guess that military training paid off – wow.

  “Fuck you,” he spat out violently, trying to unhook from the hold.

  “Apologize to the lady,” Austin said, his tone now firm. Using his knee, he jammed behind Nick’s leg, I heard a grunt. “I said apologize to the lady.”

  “I’m sorry,” he forced out.

  “Your services are no longer needed,” Austin said. “Is that understood? She said it’s over, and you don’t seem to get that.”

  Austin turned and looked at me, “Is it over?”

  I nodded, “Yes.”

  “It’s over, see that buddy. It’s time for you to leave. I’m going to let you go. If you give me any trouble, I won’t be so gentle with you next time,” he growled.

  Austin let him go. Nick shook it off, looked at me, looked at Austin, and then groaned. “She’s all yours buddy, I don’t want her anyway,” he said walking away, trying to hold it together.

  Closing the door behind him, I turned to Austin, “I’m so sorry.” I was mortally embarrassed, my heart racing, full of adrenalin. How could Nick pick tonight of all nights?

  “Not your fault. Maybe I should go,” he said.

  “Please don’t.” I was devastated, I felt the mood shift and there was nothing I could do.

  “Look, I think you’re a nice girl and all, but I’m not ready for a drama filled relationship. He shouldn’t bother you anymore, and if he does feel free to call me, but I think I need to pass for now. It’s not personal, it’s just that I’ve got my own garbage to deal with, and I’m not ready for this kind of stuff.”

  I silently nodded. I was heartbroken. We were about to get naughty, and then Nick showed up and ruined everything. I watched as he politely excused himself and closed the door as he walked out. I felt numb. I wasn’t ready for him to leave, not yet, and not like this.

  Leaning up against the wall, I cried. As fast as it started, it ended. My feelings were jumbled between frustration and being let down. It was over. It’s not like I had a lot invested, a couple of nights talking, but I was starting to feel like we might take this somewhere. I guess I was wrong.

  Normally I would have called Heather, but at this point I didn’t want to talk to anybody.

  There was a knock at the door about ten minutes later. My gut told me it was Nick back for another round, and I didn’t have it in me to hash it out. I went to double check through the peek hole and saw Austin standing there, his hand running through his hair.

  Opening the door, I looked at him confused.

  “I’m not ready to leave yet,” he said. “Can I come in?”

  I opened the door wider, stepping back so he could enter. I was stunned, uncertain what drew him back, but here he was.

  “I sat in my car, and I couldn’t leave. I’m not sure why. Something told me to come back inside,” he explained.

  I didn’t say anything; I simply walked up to him, and rested my head on his chest. His arms slowly wrapped around me, and I knew he was here to stay.

  Chapter 6

  We stood motionless, embracing, understanding in that moment that something was happening. We’d gone from strangers to friends, and now an invisible force was pulling us together. Would we become a pair? There was an unspoken connection, an intimacy just waiting to bond us closer.

  I tipped my head up looking at Austin, and as our eyes met our chemistry sizzled. Something changed – and it told me he wasn’t going anywhere.

  I closed my eyes as he leaned in to kiss me. Only this time it wasn’t a soft, tender kiss. It was hungry and filled with desire. Hands groped, tongues explored, and the heat was ratcheted up a few notches. Longing filled my body, and we stood in that very spot, afraid to let go of the moment.

  When we finally broke free of our shameless kiss, Austin spoke. “I’m a mess. I have a lot of garbage to work through. I can’t promise you a smooth ride all of the time.”

  “Volatile, I get emotional and way too clingy,” I said, in barely a whisper.

  “I have nightmares, I get moody, and I’ll rarely put the toilet seat down,” he answered, kissing me again.

  “I’m messy, hate to do dishes, and wear sweatshirts more than I wear sexy clothing,” I added.

  His hands worked up and down my body, back into my hair, while my own hands rested on his ass, cupping, squeezing, and pulling him in tightly. I felt his bulge pressing into me.

  “I watch too much football, drink too much beer, and like to have sex a lot,” he continued with his kisses.

  “Who’s your team?” I asked, in between the making out.

  “Giants,” he said, breathlessly.

  “Shit, I’m an Eagles fan, not sure this will work,” I said.

  “If we have sex a lot, I won’t watch football as much. Okay, that’s a lie, I will, but I can forgive your poor choice in teams,” he laughed, our kisses continuing.

  “If we have sex a lot, I’ll be a happy girl,” I mewed.

  Slowly, his hands found the edge of my shirt, and he started to tug at it, and then lift it over my head. I wanted this, and I wanted him now. I was grateful I’d dug through my lingerie drawer earlier and opted for a sexy red bra.

  I didn’t want to break our stride, the sexual tension was high, our need for one another was obvious, but I also realized standing in the middle of the living room wasn’t the optimal place for a hot rendezvous, and with that I took Austin’s hand and led him into the bedroom.

  He followed behind me, and without a word spoken I reached around and unhooked my bra, letting it fall off my shoulders. Slipping my arms through, I let the fabric restraint drop to the floor.

  Austin’s eyes never left me. He watched with intent, never looking away. As my bra fell down to the floor, his fingers found my breasts. His hands were warm to the touch, and cupping a breast with one hand, I watched as he rolled a nipple between the fingers of his other. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the sensation of electricity running through my body. A gentle squeeze and a soft pinch had my knees going weak.

  Tingling sensations ran through my body. As Austin found my mouth our heated kisses returned, passionate, hungry, and filled with lust and need.

  Slowly he backed me up to the bed. Leaning back, I sank into the covers. Austin lowered his face to my breast, his lips suckling me into his mouth. I felt the dampness between my legs, and ached for him to continue.

  Was I moving too fast? We barely knew each other, a date, a talk, was this all a mistake? I was torn between wanting passionate sex, and being afraid he’ll take me for a whore. I tried to quiet my mind, but it wasn’t happening. Ah, I just wanted to enjoy the moment, why do I have to do this?

  When it came down to it, we’re two consenting adults, and sex is sex. It doesn’t have to mean forever, but if it does bring us closer, is this the man I want to get into a relationship with? He said he’s got a lot of stuff to work through after coming home. Should I back up, give him space, and let him work through his issues?

  I tried to focus, but as his lips nibbled and sucked at my breast and nipple, my thoughts got clouded. I’ll deal with it later, yeah, later. It felt so good, like a surge of current running through my body. I was sure my panties were
soaked, and knew he would be more than capable of satisfying me, if his touch was any indication. He had a raw prowess, and the hunger and lust was a heady combination.

  Our bodies tangled together, clothes slowly being shed. His skin was warm, and as we meshed as one, we slicked with sweat. His body over mine, watching his chiseled chest, his eyes, his lips, and with each thrust I pushed up into him. Wrapping my thighs tightly around him, I tensed as an orgasm rolled through my like a wave cresting.

  His own followed shortly, and together we collapsed side by side, barely talking, breathing hard. My hand drew along his chest and down to his stomach. I just wanted to touch him, couldn’t get enough, and slowly I found the courage to speak.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered.

  “Me too,” he said, smiling. His eyes were closed, enjoying the pleasures of my hand lingering across his body.

  “This doesn’t have to mean anything,” I said, letting him off the hook. I hope it didn’t make me sound like a slut, but I’d rather that than come off as needy.

  Austin opened his eyes and turned to face me, “It means something,” he said softly. His hand gracefully cupped my face, and he leaned over to kiss me. “I can’t promise forever, but I can promise right now.”

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  “Why don’t we see where this takes us? One step at a time, but let’s try it out, see how it feels being a couple. What do you say?”

  “I’d like that,” I said, laying my head against him.

  “I like how soft your hair feels against me,” he said, wrapping his arm around to pull me in closer.

  “Austin?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Why did you call? You didn’t seem interested when we first met,” I kicked myself, but the words were out. “What changed?”